Four Things To Do When Motherhood Feels Lonely

Loneliness isn’t something that only occurs in motherhood. Loneliness finds us in any season of life and it can make a sweet season seem utterly painful. These four things to do when you feel lonely can help in any season, but we will be looking at them through a lens of motherhood. When motherhood feels lonely…

When Motherhood Feels Lonely…
CALL YOUR GRANDMA

I can remember being a new mom and feeling how deeply I wished my mom and grandma were closer. I wanted to share all of these brand new experiences with them. Separated by a state line and over 300 miles, I had to settle for long conversations on the phone.

When I do get to go back home, one of my favorite things to do is to spend a long morning at my grandma’s, just the two of us. She makes me breakfast and coffee. We sit together for hours talking and sharing stories. I make her laugh with hilarious accounts of our boys’ silly antics, Dave’s and my adventures in our marriage, and sharing other ways I am growing and learning. She shares her stories with me. Beautiful stories of her life, marriage, career, and motherhood.

I think we forget what a deep and wonderful wealth of wisdom and encouragement can be found in our grandmothers. They were young mothers once. They were new wives once. We have always known them as ‘grandma’. But I know that if you call your grandma and share with her your feelings of loneliness, she would have some words of encouragement and wisdom to share with you.

“But, I don’t have my grandma anymore.”

Maybe your grandma is no longer here. Then, is there another older woman you look up to in your church? Or an aunt?

In God’s wisdom, he ordained in scripture that older women are to teach what is good. They are to teach the young women. God values the relationship that older women should have with younger women, whether it is your grandma or another godly woman He has placed in your life. Reach out to her and glean from her as much as you can.

When motherhood feels lonely…
SING HYMNS AND SONGS OF PRAISE

A pivotal moment for me in feeling lonely during the earlier years was when our two youngest were in diapers. I was maxed out in patience, exhausted from little sleep, stressed from the whining and bickering, and feeling trapped. Dave would come home to me in full on racoon eyes from crying, because everyone else was, why not me. I kept telling myself, “Just hang on until Saturday. If you can just get to the women’s breakfast at church and spend some time with other women, you will feel all better.”

That wasn’t really what I needed.

I was making waffles for breakfast and had turned the radio on in the kitchen to listen to some music while I cooked. The kids were hungry and cranky. I just stood there pouring batter and trying not to cry.

I don’t remember what song it was. But it isn’t about the song; rather WHO the song is about. And as I stood there, hands lifted singing praise to my Jesus, shifting my focus wholly on HIM, every weight and burden and frustration melted away. Just in time, too, because our oldest took the opportunity to stick his finger right in my armpit!

I had been so distracted by the noise around me that I forgot to look up to the One who really sees me.

Shift your focus and turn your loneliness into worship of the God who sees.

Cast all your cares on him
because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

When motherhood feels lonely…
READ THE PSALMS

The psalms are a book of biblical poetry. Many are penned by David as he cried out to God in affliction, fear, and loneliness. They are raw and honest and from the depths of his emotions. You will find that even the ones where he seems to question God for what he is going through, he ends in praise for His majesty, faithfulness, and sovereignty.

Psalm 11 begins with, “Why, O LORD, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” But then finishes by proclaiming, “The LORD is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land. O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart…”

Read Psalm 13.

And Psalm 84 is an encouragement for the weary soul.

So many of them have brought comfort and perspective to me over the years. Read through them prayerfully. Sing them worshipfully. Memorize them for later strengthening. Journal them for later reflection.

Go so far as to even leave your bible on the kitchen counter opened to the Psalms. As you go about your day, you can revisit the words and meditate on them.

And finally, when motherhood feels lonely…
DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE

I know, I know. You feel like that is all you do, all. day. long. I get it!

But I am talking about an intentional, not your normal, everyday thing. Make a meal for an elderly neighbor. Sew a blanket for a baby in the NICU at your local hospital. Call the nursing home and schedule a time you and your kids can go visit and read a book to them. Make thank you cards for local service men and women.

This becomes an opportunity to model to your children what selflessness looks like spilling out of the home.

This is a two-part action. One, it shifts your focus outward from what feels like the everyday loneliness. And two, it will create an opportunity to interact with other people who don’t always feel seen.

Remember at the beginning, when I said loneliness isn’t only found in motherhood? I imagine the people you meet in these scenarios face feelings of loneliness as well. And, just maybe, your gift of time and effort of care is an opportunity to share where your hope is found. Use it as an opportunity to pray with them and tell them about the God who sees. Give them Jesus.

I pray that you feel strengthened and encouraged by these ideas and motivated to turn to Christ.

Open the Word, read the Psalms, sing the hymn. And seek the Lord. He loves you and sees you.

You are not alone.

What helps you most when motherhood feels lonely? Leave a comment below!